AMERICA.

I love America on the 4th of July. Seriously. I feel sorry for the British (not just because it's the anniversary of our divorce from them) and the Germans and the Australians and everyone else who doesn't have a big day, once a year where it's totally okay to act like a jerk to everyone who is not of your nationality and eat themed foods and blow a lot of things up. We become a real unified nation for one day. One day where it's all YEAH AMERICA. YOU GO AMERICA. YOU BEAT UP BRITAIN. GREAT JOB. And fireworks. I love fireworks. They're so gorgeous and amazing and like, wow, we've progressed to the age where we understand fire enough to make shapes and colors project into the sky. Flippin' sweet.

But someone could totally get shot on the 4th of July and no one would ever know. Like seriously, someone could be mowed down with a machine gun and everyone would be like, 'firecrackers! I love them!'

So...patriotism aside... I get my wisdom teeth removed at 8 am tomorrow morning. YIPPEE. I'm looking forward to the happy drugs, and the excuse to not to do anything for several days but I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO the stabbing pain that will reside in my mouth for quite some time.

Maybe if you guys are lucky I'll post a video of myself hopped up on crazy drugs.

God bless America.

Over.

Prizes...

So I work at a library and I picked my prizes for the summer reading program yesterday (just because I work there doesn't mean I can't participate and win prizes!) and here's what I got.

They're for my dorm room...

All the cool kids are going to want to be friends with me.

I can explain the Camp Rock poster.

I was a big Disney kid.

Over.

I can't get up mom. The blankets have accepted me as one of their own. If I leave now I might lose their trust.

She's Going To Jail

Today I was at work and I thought about the time when I was in like eighth grade and we went to the Durham museum and some girl got caught with vodka in her water bottle and the vice principal had to pick her up and drive her back to the school and all I could think about was how awkward that ride would have been and would she have sat in the front seat or the back seat and if she was in the back was he glaring at her through the rear view mirror and how did she get caught anyway?

I PROMISED YOU GUYS A STORY:

So... a friends of mine came out for a few days of our vacation and we (plus Sam and his friend Kyle) decided we were going to go swimming in the lake for awhile. There was a roped off section and there were a bunch of people there but not too many and we had our floaties that we had bought at the Woodbine Dollar General (AKA the 'Walmart of Woodbine') (they cost $6 but we had at least $18 worth of fun). SO WE HAD OUR FLOATIES and we were in the water, floating around and such and this little boy swims over to us. He proceeded to tell us that his name was Seth and she told him her name and he told us he was 11 and a half and she told him we were 18. He sort of looked like he was having trouble swimming so she asked him if he wanted to hold onto her tube. He did. He wrapped his arms around her neck and a moment later she mouthed, "his legs are wrapped around me!" and indeed, they were wrapped around her stomach. 

KEEP IN MIND THAT WE DO NOT KNOW THIS BOY.

A few minutes later he asks her if there's room in the tube for both of them. She immediately offers to let him use it and she slips out of it and as she's getting ready to pass it to him he starts getting closer, and closer, until his head is resting on her shoulder and his arms and legs are wrapped around her. She asks, "What are you doing?" He replies, "Hugging you."

We finally get him into the tube and i am continuously dunking myself under to keep from laughing and he CONTINUES to follow us. His friend who is swimming a little ways a way then yells, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE SUCH A CREEP. WHY ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH THOSE GIRLS?" He yells back, "I GUESS I'M JUST LUCKY LIKE THAT."

Freaking kid.

After a little while I ask him if it would be okay for her and I to float out into the deeper water and talk. He takes off the tube to give to her but before she can take it, he reattaches himself to her. Like a barnacle. He finally detaches and swims away and then she looks at me and says, "He touched my ass."

She later told me that the whole time she was thinking, "I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail. This kid is hugging me and I'm going to jail."

It was quite a day.

Over.

Tomorrow, I promise.

I'M BACK IN CIVILIZATION PEOPLE.
WIFI SURROUNDS ME AND IT IS LIKE BREATH IS BACK IN MY LUNGS I AM FREE.
I AM BACK IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING AND IT. FEELS. GOOD.

I have stories. I have a few stories. One involving this really strange eleven year old that... well you're just going to have to wait until tomorrow for that one.

Because it's almost 10 o'clock and I have an eight hour shift tomorrow and we came home to BROKEN AIR CONDITIONING. It's freaking 87 degrees in here right now. It doesn't really bother me all that much (at least not as much as my dad who is like freaking out about it) but it's still a little bit annoying. I would so not last in the pre-modern-convenience eras. Like, if I didn't have instant macaroni and cheese, I would probably lose it. Completely. And this laptop. I love this laptop. I mean, it's really old (four years old to be exact) and it doesn't hold ANY charge anymore so I have to keep it plugged in constantly, and it has the loudest freaking fan on any planet in this universe... but I love it.

Wow. I got off topic.
Vacation stories tomorrow.
I promise.

Over.

Sorry

I have absolutely nothing to say.

Except that I had to clean my room today because we're having a family reunion this weekend and my aunt and uncle will be staying in my room and this place is like...not fit for human survival. There are hair balls under my bed. Of MY hair. Okay. That's gross. You didn't need to know that.

Over.

Quotes from the Rosenau dinner table

My dad eating a HIGHLY PROCESSED Little Debbie's lemon cake thing: "I'll bet this has never been touched by human hands. I am the first to touch this. It's like I'm an astronaut." 

Dad: "Some people like baseball."

Sam: "Some people like sticking needles in their eye."

Dad: "No, Sam, they don't."