Tuesday, December 16, 2014

GET OUT MY LIBRARY YOU YUPPIE HIGH SCHOOLERS

Okay, so I'm studying in the library for a final I have on Friday and THERE ARE HIGH SCHOOLERS EVERYWHERE.
They're so easy to spot. Like a whale in the Serengeti.
AND THEIR FACES ARE SO YOUNG AND WRINKLE FREE. PRE-PUBESCENT.

HOW TO SPOT A HIGH SCHOOLER:
1. They travel in packs of at least three
2. The boys are all in khakis, Niki socks, and sperrys (also their shirts are usually tucked in which is weird)
3. The girls are either wearing leggings or plaid skirts (DEAD PRIVATE HIGH SCHOOL GIVEAWAY)
4. All of the above are carrying Starbucks
5. They shoot these weird covert glances around like they feel like they shouldn't be here yet they think they're so cool that they are
6. They walk upright, as if their spirits have not been crushed (this is probably the most notable because the rest of us haven't slept in two days and no longer care whether we live or die)
7. ITS LIKE THEYRE TRYING TO LOOK GOOD AND THATS JUST WRONG (my sweater is covered in Krispy Kreme crumbs and my friend next to me actually slept on the floor under the table for a few minutes)
8. I cannot stress enough that they walk as if the world still makes sense to them

In summation: get out of my library you Starbucks carrying yuppie children and take your happiness and sense of superiority with you.

(THERES ANOTHER ONE. HES WEARING KHAKIS)

UPDATE: They all bought 'Monsters' from the cafe. No one has consumed a Monster since 2010.

UPDATE: They're taking over the cafe area. They've multiplies from 2 to 3 tables. Soon they will have conquered the entire eastern side. I fear I will never see my family again.
It's like a young adult dystopian novel.

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad that I got to undergo this life changing encounter with you!!

    ReplyDelete