Wednesday, December 24, 2014


I'm Christmas blogging. (For Dave)

So it's Christmas Eve and all of the children are back in the Rosenau household:

(the band's back together again)

They've only tried to beat me up twice.

So we went to Christmas Eve church and came back and had our Christmas Eve chili, etc.
Mom looks up at all of us and says: "While we were at church, Santa came."
Big brother: "And robbed us."

Turns out Santa chucked everything down the chimney early and all of the presents were all mixed up.
She brought us the large box full of wrapped up gifts (there were probably about 30 of them, various shapes and sizes)
Dad then produces this:

(he let me in on the secret that Santa got it for 9 dollars at target)

and tells us that we are going to bingo for the gifts.

Apparently the rule book that Santa left with the presents stipulated that this was a white elephant bingo, with the option of stealing.
Older brother and I immediately yelled, "YANKEE SWAP" and began obnoxiously quoting that episode of The Office. (I live my life through The Office quotes and parallels. I don't know anything else and I don't WANT to know anything else.)

We are each issued two bingo cards and a bunch of chips and the game began.
(Basically the point was that when you got a bingo you got to pick a new gift or steal, just like white elephant or YANKEE SWAP. "I thought that was called nasty christmas?")

Let me just make it clear that I COMPLETELY DOMINATED. (As much as you can dominate at bingo.

Funny thing was, Santa was oddly specific in his gifts.
I chose a bow tie and pocket square (quickly stolen by little brother) and little brother opened a pair of Gryffindor socks accompanied by a tire pressure gauge, obviously intended for me.
There was a teddy bear.
(Exhibit A: the teddy bear)

I didn't think anything of it until little brother looks at it and suddenly says, "OH. I KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM."
Turns out 'Santa' had taken said bear from somewhere within our very house.
Then, little brother looks at me and says, "That bear was given to me by ****** ****** for my birthday when I was thirteen." (name redacted). ****** ****** was little brother's girlfriend from seventh grade to freshman year. AND SANTA STOLE, WRAPPED, AND REGIFTED HER TEDDY BEAR GIFT.
Strangely enough, little brother didn't want it back and now I really don't know what to do with it.

I also got a pretty sweet screwdriver set. And more socks.

Anyway, that was our Christmas Eve.


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