What do you guys think about lightning? Like, if you were to be struck by lightning, would you be okay with it? People survive it. It'd be a great story to tell at parties. And if you didn't survive, would you be cool with dying that way? I think I would. You know, go out with a bang. Or a flash, as it were. ... I am so not funny.
Tank is afraid of sirens. They've been going off, and he freaks the crap out and starts, like, convulsing until they stop.
Also he peed on me today. Actually, physically on me. Which was gross.
I didn't post anything yesterday and I felt bad. For some reason I feel accountable to you, or something. Like I owe it to you to write about my stupidity at least once a day. Which is probably dumb.
Who first came up with the idea of a blog? Who first said, "oh hey, I would like to post my random thoughts and private journal entries for the whole world to see because OF COURSE they want to know the entire story of how your grandma knit you an ugly sweater for your eighth birthday and it was do awful and oh my gosh, angst angst angst." WHO CAME UP WITH THAT? And now it's like, a career for some people. This is America. People making money off of...blogging.
My dad talks baby talk to Tank. He's all. "Hey Tanky! Come here my little guy! My little man!" It's funny and a little disconcerting.
I have this issue where I'm running. Into doors and walls. Like I'm coming out of the bathroom that and wham I hit the doorframe. Today I ran into a wall at work. Like a full out wall. Not a corner, not a doorway, a straight out wall. I don't know why. I don't know how. It just happens. It's been happenING. As in plural.
Who ever came up with the idea of a blog? And why do you people read mine? I'm a pretty boring person. Like seriously. Painfully boring. Like yanking off a nose strip.
A total stranger approached me at a gas station outside of York and asked to hold Tank, talking in that baby voice that people use with babies and cute animalls. Slightly disconcerting. I'm scared someone is going try to steal him. Also he had his first bath today. IT WAS CERY TRAUMATIC FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED. But then grandma put a towel in the dryer for him and he fell asleep for like five hours. He's such a little wimp.
Spent the afternoon driving to my grandparents, 4 hours away. We took 2 cars because we're splitting up tomorrow. Sam (my 15 year old little brother) drove on the interstate today for the first time. He wouldn't go above 65 mph. THAT'S TEN UNDER THE LIMIT. SEMIS WERE PASSING HIM. Dad and I were I'm the car following and he was in actual physical pain. He's a speeder (I have inherited the trait). He was like, "this kid is a menace." "I am so embarrassed by this." "Did you see that wheelchair pass him? Oh look, there goes a hover-round."
I am currently writing this post from my BRAMD NEW IPHONE 5.
I have finally reached the 21st century.
I have passes from a dumb phone to a smart phone.
I have the entire Internet at my fingertips.
Billions of dollars of innovation.
And all I am doing is taking pictures of Tank.
(ISN'T HE ADORABLE?!)
He's had the hiccups all day.
It's super cute and funny cause his whole body kind of spasms.
Side note: they're making all of these sequels, like Toy Story 3, and Monsters University, and all I can think is that The Incredibles is just SITTING THERE.
I have to get my wisdom teeth out.
This is me. Me being very sad.
Perhaps I will be able to get my mom to take a video of me high on the happy drugs and I can post it for you guys.
Or maybe that would be super embarrassing and I shouldn't do that.
I guess you'll just have to wait and see...
Wanna hear a story that was kind of funny and now it's not that funny?
So, I had to get a new planner (I like the paper ones. I'm old fashioned.) so I went to Walmart like any normal American would. And I FOUND THE EXACT PLANNER THAT I HAD THIS LAST YEAR. In blue. But that's okay. And it was in the wrong place so I didn't know the place so I just took it and when I went to pay, there was a price that came up. The cashier lady asked me if I knew what it cost and I said I didn't know, so I got it for 99 cents! Awesome right?!
Well... I took it home. And a week later I realized that it is a 2012 planner... which is the wrong year.
And that makes me very sad.
But mom got me a different one today.
One for the correct year.
So that makes me happy.
And she paid for it!
Which makes me even happier.
Tank cries all night.
And I don't sleep.
And it sucks.
But I have placement tests tomorrow and a puppy who cries so I am now going to bed at 8:01 on a summer night.
Go me.
I haven't written in two days.
I feel so bad.
Having a puppy is like having a baby.
SO MUCH WORK.
And he cried all last night.
I did not sleep.
Which sucked.
But he's too cute to be allowed.
Dusk told me he looked like a webkinz.
He's so cute he's practically a stuffed animal.
A stuffed animal that cries and pees.
I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL ANYMORE AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF I'M JUST DOING NOTHING WATCHING TV AND LAYING AROUND LIKE AN UNDER-HYDRATED SLUG.
I have nothing exciting to write about.
I am a sucky blogger.
Well, dedicated readers, tomorrow is the day. TOMORROW I GET MY PUPPY. TANK. TANK MY PUPPY. TOMORROW WE GO TO GET HIM.
Today... I did almost nothing. Literally, almost nothing.
But I have a pre-nothing story. From my former high school days. (!!)
So, my AP English teacher is/was/and will forever be, crazy.
On our last day of class she strolled in wearing a FULL VICTORIAN COSTUME COMPLETE WITH HEADDRESS. And then she said, "Oh, how strange. By some strange form of space or time travel, I have found myself in your time and area." WHAT. She then proceeded to explain to us that she was Queen Elizabeth, and she would be teaching us for the class, because our professor was absent. She also spent the rest of class showing us slides of England, and saying things like, "And here is your professor standing outside of Shakespeare's former home." (Which was actually burned down.) She also got Clary to wear the male outfit. He didn't even question it. She pointed to this sparkly thing on a hanger and he took it and walked to the bathroom. IT HAD TIGHTS.
Then he just changed in the back of the room behind a giant styrofoam pharaoh and told us not to look.
It was one of the more entertaining class periods of my life.
AND HERE IS AN ACTUAL PHOTO TO DOCUMENT THE HISTORIC DAY.
That hat. It's just ridiculous.
And the tights. What.
Also, they're called 'pumpkin pants'.
And that's just fantastic.
I AM OFFICIALLY A GRADUATE.
A MEDIOCRE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
AN ALUMNUS OF BLAIR HIGH SCHOOL. (Is that the right word? Alumnus? I'm pretty sure alumni is the plural...)
I didn't trip. I didn't pass out. I didn't vomit. My hat didn't fall off. I didn't totally mess up the senior song. (I played the piano.) And I remembered to shake the principal's hand with my right hand!
I'm not really sure what to do with the diploma. It's a piece of paper in a little black book. And it doesn't really do me any good because the college needs a transcript from my school and you don't use it for anything except to display or whatever and where am I supposed to display my high school diploma? I'm pretty sure that's like social suicide in college. As is wearing your letter jacket, and any other memorabilia that shows how stuck in the past you are. Or so I've been told.
My dad gave me a Cinderella princess pack as a graduation present. It has a jump rope, sidewalk chalk, crayons, an activity book (with 18 activities!), a water bottle, and a 24-piece puzzle. I really don't know what to make of it.
Seriously. I graduate tomorrow and all I had today was a bunch of parties to go to but me and my party hopping buddy actually had to take nap breaks at my house because we are such total wimps. But they were wonderful.
It's just one of those days where it's really humid and your back is sweating and you spend a significant amount of time wondering if the sweat is showing on your shirt and your make up is melting and your hair is frizzy and you want to do nothing but lay on the ground in the air conditioning and imagine the way life could have been if you weren't in Nebraska, the land of extreme climate.
One second it's May, and it's snowing and we ALMOST GOT A SNOW DAY, and the next day we have broken the 100 degree barrier and I want to die.
That's my life. That is the life of the Midwest. Welcome to bipolar atmospheric hell.
I graduate high school tomorrow. WHAT? That's crazy.
I FORGOT TO POST YESTERDAY. OH MY GOSH I FEEL SO BAD.
Blame it on the fact that it was my first day of freedom.
I'm so sorry.
This one will be extra special.
IN OTHER NEWS:
I had to get my pick up towed today. From the YMCA parking lot. Because yesterday after I finished working out it wouldn't start. IT PISSED ME OFF QUITE A LOT. But it was too late to get it to the shop so we just left it and today I called AAA and they towed it and hopefully it will be fixed.
I'M GOING TO SEE THE NEW STAR TREK TONIGHT. SO EXCITED. LIKE REALLY, REALLY EXCITED. I've been told it's better than the first one.
I've spent today doing absolutely nothing because I have no motivation to do anything because I have nothing to do. It's a cycle.
BUT I HAVE A PLAN.
I'm going to re-watch Grey's Anatomy. From the beginning. And I'm going to create a separate 'Grey's' tab at the top and keep you all updated with my commentary. And believe me, there will be a lot of commentary. I have a LOT of opinions. Especially on fast-paced, disaster-filled medical dramas. Prepare yourselves.
ON THIS GLORIOUS FINAL DAY OF MY HIGH SCHOOL CAREER I WILL BE USING ALL CAPS TO SIGNIFY THE GREAT WONDROUSNESS THAT I FEEL ON THIS WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON. MY SOUL IS ALIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME. I AM A BIRD. FLYING HIGH THROUGH THE CLOUDS OF OPPORTUNITY AND MAGICALNESS.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY PARENTS. AND MY TEACHERS. AND AMERICA. THANK YOU AMERICA.
I WILL BE CELEBRATING BY SLEEPING FOR AS LONG AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. AND THEN WHEN MY BODY REFUSES TO SLEEP ANY LONGER, I WILL MEDICATE MYSELF INTO A SLEEP COMA.
PERHAPS LATER I WILL WRITE A REAL POST BUT FOR NOW I AM SOARING ON THE WINDS OF FREEDOM AND JOY AND AMERICA. 13 YEARS IN PUBLIC SCHOOL AND I AM FREE AT LAST. I LEARNED SO MUCH. HOW TO USE NOSE WHISTLE. HOW TO PROPERLY GET AWAY WITH MURDER. AND EVERY SWEAR WORD EVER SPOKEN. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.
Today was the "Senior Banquet".
We watched the video of all of our baby pictures where we try to guess who is who.
Then after we hand out the award things.
A few weeks ago we got these packets with stuff like "Most Spoiled", and "Worst Driver" and we had to fill in who in our class fit the slot.
I won "Most Forgetful".
Ironically enough, I forgot to turn in my packet two weeks ago.
So after the grad party we had two of those HUGE bags of skittles. Like the ziplock ones.
I made sure that both of them got opened when we got home so that mom can't return them.
And I stole one and have it safely hidden in my room.
Yay for skittles.
I got my cap and stole today.
'Stole' is a funny word. (I mean the thing that goes around your neck. Often associated with old ladies and fox fur. At least in my head.)
I have TWO DAYS left of school. TWO.
BUT THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO IN THOSE TWO DAYS.
Tomorrow morning I have to be there at seven for the pre-A.P exam breakfast.
Mrs. Knapp promised that she would have plenty of sugary cereal for us.
That excites me.
I have so much to do. So much. And yet I'm sitting here blogging, watching the season 3 finale of Pretty Little Liars. Dammit.
*PPPBBBBBBTTTHHHH*
(That's my unhappy noise.)
(For future reference.)
Been doing homework for the past 8 hours.
THREE DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT AND SOMEHOW I'M STILL LOCKED IN A CAGE OF COMPULSORY PUBLIC EDUCATION.
Three days. Three days. Three days.
That's what I keep telling myself.
And then it won't matter.
Even if I didn't get everything done.
It's too late.
Too bad.
DONE.
And we have a lot of leftover cake!
Well... Happy Mommy Day.
I hugged my mommy today.
It was nice.
Have you hugged your mommy?
You should.
TWO WEEKS TILL I HAVE A PUPPY.
I have never been more exhausted in my life.
I can't even care about finals.
CAN'T. I PHYSICALLY CAN'T.
IT HURTS.
THE AMOUNT OF BOOKS, NOTEBOOKS, WORKSHEETS, ETC. ON MY BED PHYSICALLY HURTS TO LOOK AT.
IT'S LIKE THE SUN.
They always told me not to look at the sun as a kid and now I'm basically legally blind.
GREY'S ANATOMY WAS KILLER THIS WEEK.
MEREDITH'S WATER BROKE.
(spoiler alert)
Almost done with season 3 of PLL
(I've slowed down significantly because of this whole 'graduating' thing.)
Also, my mom scheduled a dentist appointment on Wednesday afternoon.
That's my last day of high school.
The dentist. Last day of school.
I should not have hugged her.
It was basically the coolest one.
Everyone thought so.
And I got a cactus.
A CACTUS.
A REAL LIVE CACTUS.
And thinking about it, it's a brilliant idea.
I don't really have to take care of it.
I'll have to water it maybe once a year.
It's a conversation starter.
And it's a cactus in Nebraska.
But we didn't have it at my house, which was really awesome, because that means I didn't have to clean anything.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO HELP SET UP OR CLEAN UP.
My parents were like, "It's your day, go have fun."
They are so nice.
But now my house is full of decorations, and cake, and a CRAP TON OF PASTA.
I used crap ton as a unit of measurement the other day and my mom asked me how much that was.
I didn't really have an answer for her.
Still don't.
Any ideas?
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO I KNOW THAT IS READING THIS AND CAME TO THE PARTY MY LIFE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN COMPLETE WITHOUT YOU.
YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY YOUNG LIFE.
I slept through 2 of my 4 classes today.
Curled up in a little ball.
It was wonderful.
Something funny happened today. I'm trying to remember what it was. Hmmmmmm......
Nope. It's gone.
OKAY. I have something else. More like a concern.
So my little brother Sam is a little chick magnet and the girls have been flocking to him since he was in second grade. He's got blonde hair and blue eyes and the kind of face that makes everyone just go, "AWW."
He's a freshman this year and he's been working out and everything and now he's all muscular and I am BEATING THE GIRLS AWAY WITH A STICK.
SERIOUSLY.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
He also plays the drums, and sings in choir, and plays soccer, and wears argyle sweaters, and is super sweet and sensitive. (He always cried the most when we were younger.)
(One time, when he was 12, he shot a squirrel with a BB gun, but he didn't kill it, just paralyzed it. So it was crawling around with its arms and he was bawling and Dan was telling him to just shoot it again and put it out of its misery but Sam was practically hyperventilating and the squirrel crawled away in some bushes and we never saw it again.)
(He still refuses to shoot anything that's not a human being.)
(PAINTBALL. I MEANT PAINTBALL. HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY SHOOT PEOPLE.)
BUT THE GIRLS....
I AM SCARING AWAY JUNIORS.
THERE ARE JUNIORS GOING AFTER MY FRESHMAN LITTLE BROTHER.
THIS IS NOT OKAY.
DON'T THEY KNOW THAT HE USED TO NOT CHANGE HIS SHORTS FOR LIKE SIX DAYS?
He also didn't shower.
Like, he REFUSED TO SHOWER.
As if he thought that acid was going to pour out rather than water.
And next year, he will be a sophomore, and I will be in college and there will be NO ONE TO PROTECT HIM. HE'S JUST A LITTLE BOY. HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE'S GETTING INTO.
This terrifies me.
OKAY.... what to write... what to write...
I have four years of these stories stacked up and right now I can't think of any.
THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS.
EVERY TIME.
Okay. I've got it.
NICOLE'S BAND ADVENTURES PART 2:
Okay, so for marching band we have field shows. Or, halftime shows as most people know them. And Mount Dawg (band instructor) is always yelling things at us while we practice on the practice football field during band. We are always supposed to have 'markers' or little things to mark our spots when we're moving from one position to the next. (It's harder than it looks. Seriously.) And one day he was wandering through the flute section in the back (they are ALWAYS talking and screwing around. We brass instruments are the pride and glory.) and he looks down and yells, "HEY. Who's using dog poop for markers?" We all just started to laugh and then as he's walking back up toward the front he says, "Don't worry. I'll get to the bottom of this." And then he stops and says, "Bottom of this." And then he just cracks up. Full blown cracking up. And when he managed to talk again he chuckled, "I am so funny."
It may not be as funny to you guys, but to those of us who were there, it was hilarious. Mostly because it was Mount Dawg. Some of his favorite catch phrases include:
"You'll be wearing your butt for a hat."
"I'm gonna rip you a new one."
"Don't make me throw a shoe at you." (Sometimes he takes his shoe off and brandishes is for emphasis.)(Apparently one time he really did throw a shoe and gave a kid a nosebleed.)
OH and my personal favorite:
"Make like a baby and HEAD OUT."
SUPER short post tonight.
I have to get a good night's sleep and be up early.
Because tomorrow is my AP ENGLISH AP EXAM.
My teacher has been FREAKING out about it.
So I have to do well or it might throw her into some kind of deep depression.
But I get an hour of open campus for lunch and I miss three of my four blocks!
Wonderful.
Only seven days left until I'm done.
DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER. HALLELUJAH THANK THE LORD.
Although, I'm already getting kind of nostalgic.
Band story tomorrow, I promise.
GOODNIGHT ALL. WISH ME LUCK.
The first scientist says "I'll have a glass of H2O."
The second scientist says "I'll have a glass of water too. Wh...why did you say H2O? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally over complicate things like that in a situation outside of work."
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plot has failed.
OH MY GOSH IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINUTES TO GET THIS BUT NOW THAT I DO I CAN'T STOP GIGGLING AND TELLING MYSELF HOW CLEVER I AM EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT CLEVER AT ALL BECAUSE IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO UNDERSTAND.
COULDN'T THEY CAST AN ACTUAL HIGH SCHOOLER TO FILL A HIGH SCHOOL ROLE JUST ONCE? JUST ONE TIME. JUST TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?
I'm getting very annoyed with this high-school-junior-who-is-actually-28-years-old-thing.
Just once.
How bad could it be?
Also, I notice that they wake up every morning in full makeup. And hair. Impressive. I don't even look that good after I spend an hour in front of the mirror. Or maybe that's just my inability to use a curling iron. Seriously, I have the burn marks to prove it.
OH MY GOSH THERE IS A FLY IN MY ROOM AND I CAN'T HANDLE IT THIS IS THE MOST ANNOYING THINGS ON THE PLANET. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I CAN'T. I'M DONE. GOING FOR THE FLYSWATTER.
Not feeling so hot tonight.
I have a headache that just WON'T GO AWAY.
Anyway, remember that iHome that I said I claimed?
Turns out it's Dan's.
He stole it back.
I plan on stealing it back again.
Which is a rather dangerous mission.
Because he's in the army.
And his biceps are the size of my head.
It's like I'm poking a bear...
A really big bear.
But I've always been a risk taker....
I always do all the big rollercoasters and weird looking bungee things.
Yeah...
So.... I have spent the night as the fourth wheel.... It's a super awkward place to be. Seriously.
But it's still cold enough to hottub! (in May. This is a very rare occurrence. But not rare enough. Because this is Nebraska people. It likes to remain unpredictable. Like a woman.)
(Women are supposed to remain unpredictable. Right?)
But now I'm typing this while eating some REALLY good chocolate that I bought at Walgreens. It has something called 'alpine milk' in it that is REALLY GOOD.
Moving on.
I GOT A DOG TODAY.
Well, not really.
We put the deposit down to get the dog but he's only five weeks old so we can't take him for another three weeks. Today we drove for 4 hours to see him in Orange City, Iowa. He's a miniature Schnauzer. We only get Schnauzers. And we put mine down in February and so now we're getting a new one! But he's mine. He's mine.
But my dad is saying that he gets naming rights since he bought the dog and he wants to call it
OTTO VON SCHNAUZER. What the crap is that? What kind of a name is that? He says it's because he's a German dog and so he needs a German name. BUT THAT'S NOT COOL.
Seriously.
Can I just stop for a second and say that Meg is perhaps them most kickass supporting female character in any Disney movie?
I'm writing my stupid literary criticism over a literary criticism and I'm watching Hercules (because Hercules is AWESOME. One of my faves for sure.)
Meg is such a sarcastic diva!
So fantastic.
She's all: 'Men are stupid'
And I'm all: 'You tell it girl'
And then she's just got him wrapped around her finger with her sassy attitude and ability to sweep her hair back in that ponytail. Seriously, I don't even know what to say. I wish I could be her.
(Plus, she has Hercules, and he's pretty hot.)
And she has the best comebacks.
I have included the video 'Zero to Hero', from Hercules, for your viewing and listening entertainment.
So I got a new planner yesterday. I had to go to Walmart, and the one I have now ends in June so I found the exact one I have now (except it's in blue) even though it was in the wrong section but when I took it to check out, the barcode didn't work. So the cashier asked me how much it was and it wasn't in the right place so I didn't know, SO I GOT IT FOR 99 CENTS. And it's a fancy one. Worth way more than 99 cents. So basically, I'm pretty happy about this arrangement. And I hot a new journal thing. I love journal things. And pens. And books.
I'M SUCH A NERD.
(HERCULES' STRENGTH JUST GOT TAKEN. STUFF'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN. He's still, like, really muscular. Did that all just go away? I know he's not super strong, but it he at least averagely strong? Oh no. Heartbreak.)
Today we had 'Weiners for Seniors' in band. (Basically we just go to the band room for lunch and eat chips and hotdogs.) AND WE GOT THESE REALLY AWESOME NOSE WHISTLES. MOUNT DAWG GOT THEM FROM DIETZE THE MUSIC STORE. The juniors were getting so pissed off. But the whistles are actually really hard to use! You have to get it DIRECTLY over your nose and at the right angle and it's hard BUT I HAVE GOT IT and my parents are threatening to melt it down and suffocate me with it. Wonderful parenting. But Sam's not home yet, and when he gets back then they'll REALLY learn the full extent of my musical talents! (He plays the drums and our rooms share a wall. It's payback time.)
Here is a picture of a nose whistle.
It is a very complex piece of musical equipment.
Seriously. It's hard.
I had something planned for tonight... but more important matters arose.
THE WEATHER.
It is May 1st.
And today it is snowing. It started with rain, and sleet, then hail, then it turned to snow.
IT'S SNOWING IN MAY.
WHAT IS THIS?
GO HOME NEBRASKA.
YOU'RE DRUNK.
YOU'RE COMPLETELY WASTED.
Dad says that a snow day tomorrow is not a complete impossibility depending on if ice forms.
And since they've already announced the official end of school, they can't push it back. So if we DID get a snow day, that would be one less day of my high school career!
I've been reduced to talking about the weather. This is pretty pathetic.
But it's really INTERESTING weather. To me at least.
I bet Walmart is out of bread already.
Saying blizzard in Nebraska is like yelling fire in movie theater.
People freak the crap out.
TOMORROW....
I will be posting about the parking lot etiquette rules of Blair high School.
It happens to be a very specific hierarchy that the freshmen are expected to just know upon entrance their first day. Many of them fail initially and are reprimanded as such. GET READY FOR A DOOZY.
