Friday, February 20, 2015

heh heh

I found this and agreed with it wholeheartedly:


I’m going off of sugar.
Oh ****. It freaks me out to say that.

It's not like a lent thing, or anything, it's potentially permanent...

My mom is taking this ‘naturopath’ technique with some of my health issues, and she has me taking like 8 vitamins a day and these special drops in my water. She wanted me to go off of gluten but that is a NOOO. I think I could learn to live without out candy and ice cream, BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP BREAD, TACOS, CHINESE FOOD, FRIED SHRIMP, THIS LIST COULD GO ON FOR YEARS, you get my point. So sugar it is.
Not all sugar, of course. I’ll still eat fruit and other natural sugars. I’m just trying to cut the processed stuff out. But it’s still going to be very rough. Especially right on the heels of Valentine’s day, so there’s all sorts of chocolate lying around. I’m telling myself that I’m ‘WEANING’ off of it, which basically means that I’m still going to eat everything in the dorm, but I’m going to go slowly, and I’m not going to buy anymore.

Another big problem is that my boss is addicted to chocolate. She calls it crack. That’s what she refers to it as in conversation. Today, for example, she called ahead and asked if anyone had any requests. Then she arrived with an entire bag (INCLUDING MALTED ROBIN EGGS WHICH ARE MY FAVORITE) and told us that it’s all free game, and then passed around one of those heart boxes of Valentine’s chocolate.
She’s an enabler.
I’m so screwed.

My current plan is just drown myself in fruit, to settle the cravings with natural sugars to take the edge off and then hopefully it’ll even me out and my roommate won’t have to sit on me to keep me from running to Walmart and gorging myself right there in the candy aisle.


Well nope. I wrote the first part of this post several hours ago and now it’s nighttime and I have to tell you guys that my dad made cookies and I had like 6 of them. I’m already off the wagon.


Sunday, February 15, 2015

the honor of a fifth grader

Today, Jack (the eighth grader I tutor in math) and I were talking about snow at school. Maybe that's a weird topic, but he was telling me about how they aren't even allowed to PICK IT UP during recess and I was like, "WHAT? THEN HOW DO YOU BUILD FORTS?"

When I was in school and we still had recess, there were certain activities that went on in the snow. There would be a group building snowmen, some doing snow angels, others using the playground, some attempting to use the basketball court and then completely wiping out as they slid over a hidden patch of ice, etc.
Looking back, it was probably really funny to watch; all of us toddling around in our snow pants, with our huge puffy coats, hats, mittens, and scarves. All of us like little Ralphies screaming that we can't put our arms down.

I was part of another group. The serious group. The future-leaders-of-our-generation group. The hardworking elites that refused to allow devastating setbacks and what others might call insurmountable odds hinder us in our slow trek to greatness.
We were the group that built forts.

We were eleven-year-old architects, brilliant and misunderstood, spending our precious hours of outdoor time painstakingly packing walls, digging tunnels, smoothing out floors. It was our life's work, those forts. Though, we didn't see them as forts. To us, they were architectural feats that rivaled the Pyramids of Gaza, the Notre Dame Cathedral, and the Empire State Building.
We weren't construction workers. We were artists.

The thing about fort builders is that we weren't in it for the money or the fame. We didn't do it for the looks on the third graders faces as they came upon the wonder that was our added tower spires. It wasn't about the glory.
It was about stepping back after the teacher's whistle blew and wiping the sweat from your brow as you took in everything you had accomplished in 25 short minutes. It was about honor.

The other thing about fort builders is that we were never truly done. Like all visionaries, we strove to be better everyday. There was always more to be done. Another door to be built. Another tunnel to be dug. More blueprints to review, because hey, if we put the hottub in the main structure, the mini-fridge would have to be exiled to sub-basement B and that just would not do.
We could never enjoy our successes because we were constantly busy fighting for more. Another day, a new challenge. If we let down our guard, disaster could strike.

One such disaster was the potential destruction of our masterpieces at the hands of those who could've one day been our friends, but instead were branded our enemies. Those who wished trample our kingdom and lay waste to our villages.
We called them The Destroyers.
They were those from the younger grades whose recesses were at odds with ours, making it possible for them to strike when we were vulnerable and unable to defend ourselves. We would arrive the next day to find the igloo addition we had made the day before in ruins.
We quickly realized that we needed a defense system.
We called them The Soldiers.
They were a team of handpicked younger kids that we bribed into safeguarding our castles. We would stock snowballs for them in a side room, sometimes burying chocolate or other candy in what we called 'the freezer bank' to keep them loyal. And it worked. With them under our employ we once again were able to focus all of our mental capacity on our work.
It was a beautiful system and it lasted until the very last snow melt.

Those snow forts were our legacy and will live on in our memories forever.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Face Mask


Truth be told, I found this on Pintrest.
Yes, I'm just another white girl looking up skincare techniques on the internet.
here goes...

So we all know those Biore nose strips, right?
The ones made famous for little girls like me in the first Princess Diaries when she unceremoniously ripped it off when faced with her spurned crush, Michael.
They're very simple - you wet it and put it on your nose and let it harden and then peel it off. Yes, it sort of hurts. It hurts less if you just rip it off, but it's far less effective that way. Like they say, beauty is pain.
I found a recipe on Pintrest to make one for your whole face. A face mask of sorts.


1 tablespoon of knorr unflavored gelatin
1&1/2 tablespoons of milk

Mix them together (IN A PLASTIC CUP OR SOMETHING YOU'RE OKAY WITH THROWING AWAY I WILL NOT MAKE THAT MISTAKE TWICE) and put it in the microwave for 10-15 seconds.
Apply it to your face with like a popsicle stick (SOMETHING YOU CAN THROW AWAY) quickly! It hardens really fast.
Then you wait it out.

The first time I tried it I only put it on my nose because I was vaguely concerned about slapping this weird mix of stuff on my whole face.

NOTE TO ALL: Don't put it too close to your eyes because your eyelashes with get stuck in it and it will hurt like a mother and you'll lose half your eyelashes.
It did sort of hurt when I was pulling it off but that probably mostly due to the eyelash pluckage.
I decided that I'm pretty sure it worked... the skin around my nose feels smoother and stuff. However, I was still scared to do it to my whole face.

So I texted my friend Maggie and informed her that I would be arriving at her house in the evening and she had to do it with me.
Fast forward to that evening:

She agreed that it smelled super weird and we just stood there in her bathroom applying this stuff to our faces and trying not to drip it in our hair. (I got a ton of it in my eyebrow).
We then sat back to wait until it hardened. (You can tell just by touching it when it's ready.)

The problem is that when it hardens and sinks into your pores and stuff it also takes a tight grip on any of the little hairs or peach fuzz on your face. It's just like those nose strips. So it sort of hurts when you peel it off. It's doesn't hurt that bad, it's just... Uncomfortable. We were standing in her bathroom making these really weird noises as we peeled it off. I was terrified for my eyebrows but it turns out if you just apply water with like a washcloth it comes right out. So I still have my eyebrows! Yay!

Maggie and I both agreed that the pain was worth it and our faces feel softer and that we would do it again.
So there you go. There's my stolen Pintrest face mask.


I know I haven't posted in freaking forever... and I apologize for that... but some stuff has been happening and I just haven't been feeling very funny.

I can't even explain it.
I'm going full white girl and announcing I CAN'T EVEN.

It physically hurts.
In all of my organs.
One of them.

We cried. Kendra and I cried. I never cry at movies. It makes me feel weak. AND I AM VERY WEAK THIS EVENING.

Nope. I'm done. Maybe more tomorrow when I can put together a real sentence.