Monday, January 19, 2015

A begrudged apology

I taunted you with a post for today but it didn't really happen and I apologize but I accidentally took a three hour nap this afternoon and when I finally woke up it was like I was coming out of a coma.
I've spent the last I don't know how many hours doing homework and then I remembered I had an online lecture to watch for tomorrow and that turned out to be another hour and UGH.
Forgive me.


Sunday, January 18, 2015



I know I'm not blogging and I sort of promised I would.

I'm so terrible.

Yada yada.


School has started again and my life is once again being pulled to and fro, controlled by the whims and fancies of professors that are intent upon destroying any happiness that I may now have or may come up on the coming months.

I have this list of topics and anecdote on my phone to write about but it's lateish and I was just going to give you a brief update and since I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW you might get an actual post... We'll see.


Thursday, January 1, 2015


Okay. I'm getting a little deep today.
I wrote this at like 3AM last night.

So it's a new year. January first, which will be followed by January second, then third, and so on. Yet despite this being another day in a long line of other days, we ascribe it a special importance. Who decided that this would be the do-over date? All a year represents is the cycle of the earth around the sun. Who decided when the cycle "restarted"? I have many questions. One of which is: what are my resolutions this year? That's always the question they ask. Everyone always has an answer. Go to the gym three times a week. Quit eating fast food. Stop drunk texting him. Stop sober texting him. Either way the result is the same.
We let a calendar decide when we want to be a new person. As if today is so much different than yesterday and the fact that it's now "2015" means that I'll have more willpower. False. I have the same amount of willpower. Which is none.

My resolution is this: I will not make a resolution. I will not start this year by picking apart what I think is wrong with me and endeavoring to fix it. I will be me, a person who is a total delight filled with sarcasm and great fun at parties and if at some point in the future if I decide that I don't like something that I do, then I'll change it. But I won't start this year believing parts of me are mistakes.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014


I'm Christmas blogging. (For Dave)

So it's Christmas Eve and all of the children are back in the Rosenau household:

(the band's back together again)

They've only tried to beat me up twice.

So we went to Christmas Eve church and came back and had our Christmas Eve chili, etc.
Mom looks up at all of us and says: "While we were at church, Santa came."
Big brother: "And robbed us."

Turns out Santa chucked everything down the chimney early and all of the presents were all mixed up.
She brought us the large box full of wrapped up gifts (there were probably about 30 of them, various shapes and sizes)
Dad then produces this:

(he let me in on the secret that Santa got it for 9 dollars at target)

and tells us that we are going to bingo for the gifts.

Apparently the rule book that Santa left with the presents stipulated that this was a white elephant bingo, with the option of stealing.
Older brother and I immediately yelled, "YANKEE SWAP" and began obnoxiously quoting that episode of The Office. (I live my life through The Office quotes and parallels. I don't know anything else and I don't WANT to know anything else.)

We are each issued two bingo cards and a bunch of chips and the game began.
(Basically the point was that when you got a bingo you got to pick a new gift or steal, just like white elephant or YANKEE SWAP. "I thought that was called nasty christmas?")

Let me just make it clear that I COMPLETELY DOMINATED. (As much as you can dominate at bingo.

Funny thing was, Santa was oddly specific in his gifts.
I chose a bow tie and pocket square (quickly stolen by little brother) and little brother opened a pair of Gryffindor socks accompanied by a tire pressure gauge, obviously intended for me.
There was a teddy bear.
(Exhibit A: the teddy bear)

I didn't think anything of it until little brother looks at it and suddenly says, "OH. I KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM."
Turns out 'Santa' had taken said bear from somewhere within our very house.
Then, little brother looks at me and says, "That bear was given to me by ****** ****** for my birthday when I was thirteen." (name redacted). ****** ****** was little brother's girlfriend from seventh grade to freshman year. AND SANTA STOLE, WRAPPED, AND REGIFTED HER TEDDY BEAR GIFT.
Strangely enough, little brother didn't want it back and now I really don't know what to do with it.

I also got a pretty sweet screwdriver set. And more socks.

Anyway, that was our Christmas Eve.


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Will the five armies please kill me?

It's one am, but I just saw the third hobbit and oh my gosh guys or I have to say something or my head might explode.

I am in physical pain.

Tolkien is spinning in his grave.

If I had the choice between giving birth and watching this movie then I would have to say that birth may actually be less painful and take less time.

(Remember, I'm saying all of this as a person who actually read the book)

Cousin Carol and I went together and we both sat there just crying at the inaccuracy. It's even worse than the first two.

Send help.

I'm dying. 


Tuesday, December 16, 2014


Okay, so I'm studying in the library for a final I have on Friday and THERE ARE HIGH SCHOOLERS EVERYWHERE.
They're so easy to spot. Like a whale in the Serengeti.

1. They travel in packs of at least three
2. The boys are all in khakis, Niki socks, and sperrys (also their shirts are usually tucked in which is weird)
3. The girls are either wearing leggings or plaid skirts (DEAD PRIVATE HIGH SCHOOL GIVEAWAY)
4. All of the above are carrying Starbucks
5. They shoot these weird covert glances around like they feel like they shouldn't be here yet they think they're so cool that they are
6. They walk upright, as if their spirits have not been crushed (this is probably the most notable because the rest of us haven't slept in two days and no longer care whether we live or die)
7. ITS LIKE THEYRE TRYING TO LOOK GOOD AND THATS JUST WRONG (my sweater is covered in Krispy Kreme crumbs and my friend next to me actually slept on the floor under the table for a few minutes)
8. I cannot stress enough that they walk as if the world still makes sense to them

In summation: get out of my library you Starbucks carrying yuppie children and take your happiness and sense of superiority with you.


UPDATE: They all bought 'Monsters' from the cafe. No one has consumed a Monster since 2010.

UPDATE: They're taking over the cafe area. They've multiplies from 2 to 3 tables. Soon they will have conquered the entire eastern side. I fear I will never see my family again.
It's like a young adult dystopian novel.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Thoughts of finals week:

It's totally okay to cry a little bit. Or a lot. Everybody cries. In fact, I heard my roommate crying through the wall just last night! Wait. Nope. That was still me.