Thursday, July 4, 2013


I love America on the 4th of July. Seriously. I feel sorry for the British (not just because it's the anniversary of our divorce from them) and the Germans and the Australians and everyone else who doesn't have a big day, once a year where it's totally okay to act like a jerk to everyone who is not of your nationality and eat themed foods and blow a lot of things up. We become a real unified nation for one day. One day where it's all YEAH AMERICA. YOU GO AMERICA. YOU BEAT UP BRITAIN. GREAT JOB. And fireworks. I love fireworks. They're so gorgeous and amazing and like, wow, we've progressed to the age where we understand fire enough to make shapes and colors project into the sky. Flippin' sweet.

But someone could totally get shot on the 4th of July and no one would ever know. Like seriously, someone could be mowed down with a machine gun and everyone would be like, 'firecrackers! I love them!'

So...patriotism aside... I get my wisdom teeth removed at 8 am tomorrow morning. YIPPEE. I'm looking forward to the happy drugs, and the excuse to not to do anything for several days but I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO the stabbing pain that will reside in my mouth for quite some time.

Maybe if you guys are lucky I'll post a video of myself hopped up on crazy drugs.

God bless America.


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